Alone in the horde of friends..!

Another change of place, another change of people, of colleagues and of friends of course. Changes never troubled me ever but this one has been an exception so far. Being an extrovert, it didn't took me time to get comfortable with the people around.   Now i always am surrounded by people i call friends. 

People getting anything and everything they love, people enjoying every course of their lives, people sharing laughs and tears together, people who actually are loving the life they landed into. 

Here i am, smiling vaguely on the jokes i don't like, pretending to enjoy the company of the people around, staring at their lives they have accepted happily. I never was an overly optimist person but somehow managed not to get envy of the people around. I have had change of places and people quite frequently but i was well versed at creating good companies.

At 26, almost, i already have started getting bored of the jokes in a group of friends, i don't find people amusing anymore, great humor impress' me no more and chirpy people irritate me now. I still get myself registered in the gatherings where people talk, laugh and enjoy each other's company but there is me, standing, and pretending to contribute. The fact is, somehow no species of human being amuse me anymore.

Most of the time i am irritated, confused, furious and envy. I get envy of the people around me who i don't know how, manage to enjoy all the ups and downs in their lives. I get envy of the people who get each and everything they think of. I get envy of all the happiness around me. I get envy of the people boasting about how their lives are shaping the way they wanted.

And here i am.. Standing in a group of friends.. Trying to get myself marked among their joys.. But finally finding myself alone in the horde of friends! 

P.S Loneliness is a bliss for some and misery for others. Decide what you want to make out of it.

How could have i never imagined my life without you...? How could have i never thought of living without you..? How could has this thought never crossed my mind that there is life beyond you..? 

We were madly in love with each other or at least we thought so. Holding your hand all the time, walking by your side, watching you from the corner of my eyes while walking.. And that sheepish smile when i get caught looking at you.  That urge to hug you in the middle of the class, playing with your fingers under the bench, that look at your face and that smile.. The "You can look at me after the class, idiot" look you used to give me.. Our endless talks, bitching about your girl-friends, cursing the lecturers.. 

Memories are endless, but today these are just the memories to cherish. The thought of losing you must have killed me back then, i hated it when u jokingly used to kid about talking to that hot guy in our class, why wouldn't it.. After all, i was this typically average guy you easily find in a college. I couldn't have imagined myself living without your shadow on my heart.. 

Today.. I don't understand why i didn't jump off the stairs when i saw you with your fiance in that mall. It's so contrary to my feelings back then, seeing you with someone else and still feeling no pain at all. I think i listened to what you said when you left me.. To forget you and to move on. Here i am.. Over you.. Moved on with my life. Although i couldn't resist myself from enjoying that guilt face of yours when you saw me too. As you wanted me to, I certainly moved on but i doubt if you ever could. 

P.S. Just a fictional Story! :)

I am GAY.. 

That's what you love to call me, no? Yes i am and i have no shame in accepting it. I don't have anything to hide from anyone, It's you people who need to check your sick, narrow mentality. The society we live in is already not very adaptive to people who are unconventional and here being someone who loves his own gender, it's devastating already.

So please stop making it even worse and spare me with my sexual orientation which is not "cool" according to you all. Have you ever thought how hurt i get when you stare at me like i raped someone, or killed an infant? You tease me, call me names, give me disgusting looks and treat me like i stepped out of a space ship. Now, you need to get this in your head that i am as NORMAL as anyone else in this society. I have feelings too which get hurt when you stop talking to me the moment you get to know about my fascination for my gender. 

I just happen to like the guys, get attracted to someone who is charming and fall in love with someone who i think i can spend my entire life with. I am a guy with dreams in my eyes of landing on a decent job, having awesome friends and settling down with someone i love, just like any normal person in the society. Is it too much to ask for? That's my birth-right and i deserve this much in my life, just because i'm GAY no one can take these rights away from me. And yes, even though i like guys, i DON'T like dressing like girls. I am a guy by birth and i am proud of being one, it's just about my sexual orientation which is different from most of the guys but that doesn't make me a girl.

Anyway, i don't expect you people to understand my feelings but i would request you all to please mind your own business and STOP staring at me. I am NOT an alien.

P.S The writer is strictly straight.